GIRLS FUCKING SHIT UP
ALBUM DIGITAL HARDCORE RELEASE: APRIL 3,
2000 REVIEW: APRIL 5, 2000
Sorry if this review is a bit unfocused.
It seems I was run over by a train and beaten up pretty badly by some mean street
thugs just a while ago, so I'm a bit fuzzy on details right now. It all started
when I put on a record by a band called Lolita Storm. Next thing I know, somebody
whistles and starts whispering dirty words into my ear. Moments later the walls
of my apartment start crumbling and the voice by my ear keeps screaming obscenities
while hands wrap around my throat and somebody wielding a huge chainsaw massacres
my record collection. Again, my memory is not very clear at this point.
I've only spent a few weeks in the hospital, recovering from various fractures
and a severe case of tinnitus. Still, I remember a sonic outburst that almost
forced my eyes out of their sockets and caused my intestines to start vibrating.
I can just make out the shapes of these three girls shouting in British accents
and some weird old man operating strange noisy machines.
I don't even want to imagine what they did to me that night, but - and this is
weird - it felt kind of good. I guess I'm a sick person, getting turned on by
perverse shit like this. The doctor tells me that the cops are after those creeps
now. Apparently they belong to a dangerous terrorist fraction in Germany called
"Digital Hardcore Recordings". They are some kind of anarchists who want to smash
the system and incite teenage riots. You know, these people must be totally out
of it. What?
You wanna know what the record was like? Oh, well. I don't know what to say. I
haven't dared to listen to it since. It sounded terrible, like a couple of girls
fucking shit up.